


Fuck The System!

by PaleNoFace



Series: Tree Bros Adventures [16]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Deserves Better, Evan Hansen Didn't Lie, M/M, Suicide Attempt, They're Not Okay But They're Trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-06-29 22:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19839391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleNoFace/pseuds/PaleNoFace
Summary: After his best friend almost kills himself, Evan decides that life can't go on if the adults don't start caring about them. But what can a depressed lonely boy do against the entire education system ?(A lot of damage, apparently. But also a lot of good.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's 4:15 am and I'm writing this from my phone. Who's gonna stop me ?

Evan is so fucking angry.

He's not sure he's ever been that angry before, but there it is, the cold ire eating him from the inside. The incredulous rage of the one discovering the truth about a system he used to believe in. The deeply rooted fury of the one who has been wronged for too long.

It's almost stupid, how much he takes it personally. But it's not.

It's not because his best friend almost died. Because it could have been him, in that bed, with the IV needle in the arm, if his timing had been slightly different. Given more time, they wouldn't be here.

Their school could have been two students short, and he's not even sure anyone would have noticed. 

No one would have noticed if Evan Hansen or Connor Murphy stopped showing up to class.

That's what makes him so furious, probably. Knowing that their death wouldn't even matter. Knowing that their disappearance wouldn't have changed anyone's life. Knowing that they're close to nothing in the school hierarchy.

On this day, September 4th, as he looks at his best friend sleeping in an aseptic room, pale face and greasy hair, with a constant _beep_ as background noise, Evan Hansen decides that he's got enough of the system.

Teenagers shouldn't die from pressure, or carelessness, or mental illness. Teenagers shouldn't have to pull each-other down to feel better about themselves. And most of all, teenagers shouldn't have to stop each other from commiting suicide. It's not their job, it's not up to them.

No one knows what he almost did, back in July, and it's so incredibly unfair. No one knows, appart from the boy sleeping through his painkillers in the hospital bed right in front of him. The same boy who just attempted to off himself a couple of hours ago. And no one knows about him either. Yet.

And it's not right. What kind of world is this, where people can feel so bad all they can do is give up, and no one gives a single fuck ?

So yes, excuse Evan for being bitter. Excuse him for being angry. Excuse him for feeling the need to fight back. And excuse him for wanting to be acknowledged.

Is that selfish ? Maybe. Is it worth it ? Totally.

Fuck the system.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still writing at 4 AM on my phone. Zoe, do me a favor and don't read that.

Eventually, Heidi has to take Evan home.

He doesn't protest, despite the irrational fear that, if he leaves now, Connor might disappear once and for all.

So now, they're back home, and it's late at night, or very early in the morning, depending on who is asked. Nobody asks Evan. Evan is tired, but completey unable to sleep. Wired. He's angry and exhausted and sad and-

He's worried. About Connor, about school, about what is going to happen now. Because that's the problem, right there : after this switch, this _plot-twist_ , there's no way things are going to be the same. People will notice them - Evan will make sure of it.

He wants to make something big. Something... Something that will last in time. Something that will help, and blow up, and stain, and leave a trace of them on the world, finally. But he can't do it alone - whatever "it" is supposed to be.

He wants to call Connor. It's probably the first time in his life that he wants to call anyone on the phone. The panic of being alone overrides his anxiety and he picks up his mobile, only to put it back right away.

No, that's not a good idea. Even if Connor is actually awake, he's probably too weak to move, too tired. Maybe he won't want to talk to Evan. Shit, what if he gets angry at Evan for stopping him ?

No, no. That's stupid, Evan saved his _life_.

But... Connor did try to take his own life. Maybe he will be angry at him, after all.

Evan feel sick at the mere thought of a world without his best friend. It's not a life he wants to live. It's not a life he even wants to think about.

He has to focus, about here and now. He has to think about his own breath, and Connor's under the oxygen mask, and he has to think of the beep of the machine like a testimony : Connor is still here, and so is Evan.

Still alive. Because of each-other.

Connor won't be mad at him for finding him before he could get through his plan : he crashed Evan's own party after all, so he has no right. Right ?

Evan is still furious, but it's mild, dull now that the fatigue makes its way through, like the distant rumbling of a storm.

\----

He gets back to the hospital. He avoids the Murphys around a corner, ducking his head when Zoe looks at him with confused eyes. There is nothing sad about them - they're resigned, maybe. Evan hates it.

Connor is sitting in his bed when he enters the room. He looks resigned, too, and Evan hates it even more.

He sits by the bed, and says nothing. Connor looks at him, reproach all over his face, and pain all over his body, and sadness all over the room.

Evan hates every bit of it.

He's allowed one hug, stiff and a little distant because of the tubes and cables, and their hands stay glued together afterwards. It's better. Connor stops avoiding his eyes.

The bedridden boy says nothing, but his position talks enough for him. He's hurting, inside and outside. He doesn't need to tell for his friend to understand, because he knows too. The desperation of not being allowed to end things on their own terms.

Evan his hurting, too, for whole different reasons, but he's not allowed to show that - not now, anyway. Not when Connor needs to see that some things - namely, Evan - are still how and where they're supposed to be.

Which is good. Not nearly enough, but good for now.

"We have to do something," Evan says, with his voice rough from misuse and tears.

Connor squeezes his hand in agreement.


End file.
